Cutting the Cord

Working Girl posted a great blog today. She read this article and blogged about her own financial independence. HB and I often talk about our financial independence and how rare it is in our group of friends. We work very hard to maintain our financial independence and it makes us very proud. We can’t imagine having it any other way. Some people in our lives weren’t pleased with our achieving and maintaining this independence.

Working Girl and the Newsweek article both discuss this generation’s need to remain on their parent’s payroll. While this is true and I have many friends who wouldn’t dream of giving up Daddy’s credit card, I have also seen Parents who don’t encourage their child to be financially independent – in comes financial freedom, out goes control. These parents don’t mind footing the bill for expensive vehicles, nice vacations, high rent and designer clothes when it means they can control where their 25 year old drives, vacations, lives and what they wear. Just as the child is afraid to grow up, the parent is afraid of allowing the child to grow up. This was not the case for me.

When I graduated from college I dove into financial independence head first. Sure, my parents helped me with my security deposits and I held on to their gas card as a “just in case”, but I paid them back every penny I borrowed in six months time. When HB and I got engaged I wrapped up my Dad’s gas card and gave it to him as a gift. They haven’t given us a cent since. Of course, we know we can always go to them if we need something and that is comforting. HB dove into financial independence after college as well. He bought a house, updated and furnished it on his own. His Dad was very encouraging but his Mom Not. So. Much. She is one of those parents who does not like to give up control. She doesn’t want to pay for everything, just a few things to keep you tied to her so the minute you disagree with her she can throw it in your face. She hasn’t taken to our financial independence.

As I type this I am thinking of all of our friends and how only a handful of them are financially independent of their parents. Of our close friends, the ones we talk to almost daily, only 2 of them enjoy financial freedom. The others live beyond their means buying extravagant houses, driving luxury vehicles, wearing designer clothes and traveling to exotic places all on their parent’s dime. It’s sad that they don’t have the confidence to believe they can enjoy their life on their own. It’s sad that their parents won’t let them enjoy their life on their own. For them I hope that one day they will be able to feel the joy that comes along with financial freedom.

Shoe La La!

I am a bad blogger! I promised a birthday recap and I haven’t posted one. The reason: My camera battery is dead so I haven’t been able to take pictures of my goodies, and no good post can be without pictures! All I have to do is plug the camera in and charge the battery but I can’t seem to remember to do it. Maybe this has something to do with my being completely lazy after work and not having the energy to do anything other than change my clothes, wash my face, and mindlessly watch T.V. Maybe I will have more energy tonight.

Instead of blogging about my amazing birthday I have been lusting over the shoes above and trying to convince myself NOT to buy them. NOT BUY THEM, you ask? Well yes, I should not buy these shoes because they are $200 and they are flats (being 5’2 I need some height). But these adorable little shoes keep dancing in my head. I was wearing them in my dream last night – enough said! While sitting in traffic this morning I came up with a list of reasons why I should buy these shoes:

- They are ADORABLE.

- I will wear them leisurely or for work.

- They will go with just about anything.

- They are trendy yet classic.

- I can’t stop thinking about them.

- I work hard and sometimes I should indulge.

I also came up with a list of why I should not buy them:

- They are $200!!! That is A LOT of bones!

- It would be irresponsible of me to buy them.

I don’t know what to do. I am at a loss. I have a shoe obsession!

Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, it seems that life isn’t going to slow down any time soon. I will take pictures of my birthday goodies tonight and post a recap of my amazing birthday tomorrow. HB went above and beyond! I can no longer say he doesn’t make a big deal out of birthdays. But today I have something else on my mind. I read this column on glamour.com and I can relate to Jake and Blossom’s dilemma. In fact, HB and I are dealing with the same issues right now.

After Jake confesses to a questionable encounter with a female, his wife, Blossoms, tells him, “I wouldn't want you to keep things from me, but I also don't know that knowing does me, or us, any good. I know what the world is like, what men are like. I guess I want to trust you to tell me when or if there's something I should be worried about.” I tend to agree with her. But, there have been times when HB doesn’t think an encounter is something I should be worried about, I hear about it from someone else, and my imagination runs wild. I wonder why HB didn’t tell me and when it turns out to be innocent then I have to explain to my friends why I was never told. In the end, both HB and I feel bad about the situation. Then there was the time he told me, I got upset, and he ended up feeling bad anyway. I am sure sometimes he feels like he can't win.

I hate the saying “Men will be Men” but they are wired differently. They view sex differently, they view flirting differently, and their lines (as in the line between inappropriate and innocent) are different. There have been times in our relationship when we have debated whether or not one should always be forthcoming. For example, if HB is at a friend’s camp for a “guy’s weekend” and the host invites two girls over so he can have a little rendezvous with them, should HB tell me? HB’s case: I had nothing to do with those girls; I barely even spoke with them. They were there to get freaky with Man-Whore and I didn’t want you to judge him for being a slut. My case: I heard about it from Daddies-Boy’s wife, while I was at work! I was humiliated because I was the only one who didn’t know. Now everyone, including me, is wondering why you didn’t tell me. Do you have something to hide? –We both have valid arguments.

My policy has always been to be honest no matter what. It may hurt to hear the truth but when you find out someone lied to you or withheld something from you the hurt is much greater. And I have learned that the truth always comes out. But sometimes people lie to protect their significant other. Should I tell HB every time someone hits on me, or if a coworker is obviously checking me out or sending me racy jokes? What if HB starts to dislike this coworker and doesn’t want me to work with them anymore? What if something as innocent as me telling HB that I caught a coworker checking out my rack hurts him and gives him anxiety about my work situation? Is it worth being honest?

Again, I tend to think honesty is the policy. If I am honest with HB about said coworker’s inappropriate actions then he and I can be on the same team. If I would keep it to myself, in a strange way, I feel like it puts me and the inappropriate coworker (or whoever it is) on the same team. Does this make sense? Jake’s column has me confused. I feel in my heart that honesty is the best policy but am I just setting myself up for unnecessary anxiety? Do I really need to know about a hot coworker or the sluts at the camp?

How do you handle these situations?

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” Thomas Jefferson

Surprise!!!!

As much as I love surprises, I can’t handle them. You see, my birthday is tomorrow and I know HB is planning something. I originally planned to take advantage of my day off from work by scheduling an oil change, hair cut and a facial. HB advised that I wait. I was going to change these appointments to Saturday but he responded with, “Don’t you want to have the weekend to hang out?” Originally he told me to go ahead and schedule the Saturday oil change but now he is suggesting that I “hang out” over the weekend. His original answer leads me to believe that we will not be leaving town but his most recent “hang out” answer has me curious.

I often criticize HB for not planning surprises. When birthdays and anniversaries roll around I secretly hope that HB will plan a surprise dinner at our favorite restaurant or a romantic getaway. Now that I know a surprise is planned I can’t handle it. It's all I think about. I am reading into everything he says and does trying to gain some clue as to what’s in store for my birthday. I have asked my Mom, my cousin, my friends, anyone I can think of, if they know what he has planned. Everyone says they haven't talked to him! Geez! Friday can’t get here fast enough!

First Impressions

I know first impressions are important. My parents taught me that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but people often do so you should always look put together. As a teenager, I would retort with an eye roll knowing that this is true but not having the life experience to completely understand. Instinctively, I followed their instruction. I wear fairly conservative clothing, mostly have a smile on my face, always have brushed hair and teeth; overall, I would say I look put together and well composed. For the most part, people are very receptive to me. I am very good with first impressions. As an adult, I’ve realized that this is very beneficial.

Obviously, I’ve realized that people are judged by the clothes they wear. Where I am from, the girls in the plaid skirts and polo style shirts are the “rich” private school girls. The girls dressed in all black are the gothic girls. The boys in jeans, doc martins and real Polos are the preppy boys with rich Fathers. The boys in the baggy jeans, big white tennis shoes, silver or gold chains with earrings are the thug boys. As an adolescent people where judged by their clothes. As an adult it goes beyond clothes. Eye contact, fidgeting, confidence, car ornaments, jewelry, facial expressions and much more make up a first impression. For example, many interviewees come through my office each week. My boss introduces me to every one of them and often asks for my opinion. The first thing I notice is confidence. If they are confident yet friendly I usually like them immediately, but if they are confident and cocky I don’t like them. I don’t consider that their cockiness is due to insecurity. (However, my experience has told me that most often, they are just plain cocky)

I pride myself in making a good first impression and when I don’t have a good first impression of someone else I tend to write them off. At times this can be good but there are occasions when I may disregard someone who is simply a shy person or just having a bad day. Going forward I am going to try not to judge people by their cover. I am going to try to go beyond the first bad impression and give them a second chance. I will call them in for a second interview, try saying hi one more time to the rude receptionist, not refer to my an ex-coworker of my husband as ignorant because she thinks it is okay to call him at 9:00 at night for something that could have waited until the morning, and most importantly, I will try to not think of my SIL as a bitch because she never smiles and doesn’t participate in friendly banter – maybe she is insecure.

Even though I pledged not to judge people by their first impressions I am going to have to judge this driver. Anyone who hangs balls off of their hitch is not cool in my book! EW! I had to look at this for 20 minutes on my way to work.

I am back! It has been an odd week at work. I have been busy but bored with my current project. The home front has been equally crazy. HB is busy with work and school AND we are dog sitting for two extremely hyper dogs. The weekend is much needed. I want to thank Kellicious for helping me out yesterday and for her kind words. She is a good friend.

I am still pretty swamped at work and I am trying to get out of here early. Long to do list aside, I still made time to check out my favorite blogs. Sensibly Sassy posted these fun questions today and I am stealing them. Read mine and then check out hers.

What will you improve on next week?

Exercise and eating habits - I fell off the wagon this week. I tend to do that when things get hectic.

What was my biggest accomplishment this week?

I completed the tedious paperwork for a big project at work. Creating files, scanning documents, completing reports, compiling receipts…I need an assistant.

What have you done this week to get you closer to your life's goals?

Other than grocery shopping, I did not shop once. And the only indulgent item I bought at the grocery store was an US Weekly. Those of you who know me know this is huge.

What was hard for me this week and why?

Getting up and going to work. I had a hard time getting out of bed and was late to work every morning this week. I think it had something to do with the boring task ahead of me.

What was my biggest waste of time this week?

Sitting in traffic. I hate being stuck, alone, in a vehicle for 75 minutes with nothing to do.

What did I do that made me ashamed?

I ate a very large hamburger and fries for lunch yesterday.

What did I do this week that made me feel happy?

A few things: I relaxed on the couch with HB and enjoyed every second of alone time we shared.

I accepted an invitation to a baseball game with a person who hurt me and I haven’t seen since. I am having trouble getting over the hurt; hopefully the baseball game will help me let it go.

I spent Monday afternoon with my niece and I was finally able to give her the Bumbo I bought her. She loved it.

I thought about my upcoming birthday and convinced myself to embrace 26.

Have a great weekend!

P.S. The picture is of my niece...of course she wouldn't smile when I had a camera in her face.