Sad

I feel like many people around me are sick. It started with my Dad. Last summer, on a Wednesday, he went to the Doctor for a physical. Thursday they schedule angioplasty. Friday, he was having double bypass - if he would have waited another week for his physical, he would have died.

Last Summer a friends Dad passed away suddenly. He too went in for a physical. He had a massive heart attack and died in the parking lot of the Doctor's office. He has a wife. He has three children.

The President of my company is dying of Cancer. Two months ago he was in remission. Now he is dying. He has a wife. I work with his children. His nephew is HB's best friend.

A coworker of HB's died yesterday. He had heart surgery a few months ago. He was better. Now he is dead. He has a wife. He has children.

I am sad. I am confused. Mostly, I am scared. I don't think I could survive if something happens to HB.

Now I feel selfish....

Second Chances

Do you believe in second chances? This is such a tricky question for me. When it comes to child molestation, murder, rape, etc then my answer is NO, I do not believe in second chances. In regards to a cheating spouse or significant other I want to say no but…. One of my closest friends, one of the strongest women I know, her husband (fiancé at the time) cheated. I know him, I know her, I know them now, and I can’t say I blame her for not leaving him. Now, they are happy, they are in love, they have a beautiful child with one on the way, and life seems great. But, I can’t say the same for other men/women I know that have been the cheater or the cheatee. It doesn’t always work out like it did for my friend.

What about second chances for a friendship? Well, that depends on the crime. What about second chances at work? Again, what was the crime? And probably the hardest of all, what about second chances for a family member?

Take my younger sister. She did some terrible things in high school and was sent to boarding school. She graduated from boarding school, moved back home, and did more terrible things. She had been doing terrible things until last May. That is when she got pregnant. I had pretty much given up on her before the baby came. I had given her too many second chances. But once an innocent child was in the picture things changed. My sister changed too. My sister only cared about herself. My sister would lie, cheat and steal to get what she wanted. My sister drank, smoked and did drugs. My sister doesn’t do any of this anymore. Now, my sister is mother. She is a good mother. Her daughter, Poozer, is her number one concern. My sister’s efforts to be a good mother warranted her a second chance (or 100^th if we are counting) in my eyes. Now I pray every night that she continues all of her good work.

Do you believe in second chances? Or, have you ever given someone a second chance?

P.S. That is my niece in the picture...isn't she adorable!

To Be Upset, To Not Be Upset....

HB and I have our one year wedding anniversary this weekend. A year ago, I had my entire family in town and I was running around like a crazy person. A year ago, I was getting my first Brazilian bikini wax (OUCH!). A year ago, I was more excited about the honeymoon than I was about the wedding reception. Now, I can’t believe we have been married a year. Now, I am more than ready for our anniversary trip. Now, I am wondering why HB isn’t doing more to honor the date.

First let me tell you a little about HB. He is a WONDERFUL Husband. He does the little things: brings me coffee almost every morning, calls to check on me, rubs my back after a hard day, tells me I am pretty, kisses me every morning, he listens to me bitch about my day, gives great advice, gives hugs, and many I love yous.

He has the day to day sweet nothings down.

It is the big occasions where he could use some help. On any given Saturday, HB will wake up and offer to go shopping with me in a cool part of town. Or, he will plan dinner at our favorite restaurant and take me to the new, trendy wine bar. And then, my birthday will roll around and he doesn’t even mention taking me breakfast or lunch and will call me a few hours before dinner to ask what I want to do. HUH? What happened to guy who made plans to go to the wine bar a few weeks ago? Where did he go? I want him back for my birthday.

This is happening with our anniversary. A couple of months ago we planned a trip to Mexico to celebrate our anniversary. For various reasons we won’t be able to be there on our actual anniversary. Maybe it is just me and my fairytale dreams or maybe it is due to the fact that my friends who are getting engaged right now have UNBELIEVABLE fairytale stories, but I was expecting us to do something special on the day of our anniversary – even though we don’t leave for our trip until two days later.

It started this morning. Our conversation goes like this:

Me: “We talked about going to T. B. for dinner on our anniversary, do you want me to call and make the reservation?”

HB: “Oh, I forgot we talked about that. I asked Easy if he wants to spend the day in the boat. Do you want me to tell him I can’t because it is our anniversary?”

Me: “Um, no, that’s fine. You should go skiing.” I say out loud but starting to feel sorry for myself and cry on the inside. After all, I don't want to have to ask him to celebrate with me.

I am really upset by this and I actually cried on the way to work. I cannot believe that he isn’t planning a romantic dinner but really, I can’t believe he doesn’t find anything wrong with spending our FIRST anniversary with Easy and not me. We talk about it later and he is going to make dinner reservations …I was included in the boat thing with Easy so that means he did want to spend time with me ….He thought our trip was what we were doing for our anniversary…

He said he was sorry. He is going to try to make it better. I am still upset.

Am I out of line? Are my expectations too high? Am I setting myself up for disappointment?

If HB really wants to surprise me, he could buy me this. ;-)

In honor of Mother’s Day

First I have to say thank you to my Mom:

Leenie: Thank you for having me. Thank you for teaching me responsibility. Thank you for teaching me self respect. Thank you for teaching me to love and to be loved. Thank you for working hard so I could have an education. Thank you for giving me a sister. Thank you for always loving my Dad. Thank you for providing a good, happy home. Thank you for always protecting me. Thank you for sometimes leaving out details in order to spare my feelings. Thank you for passing along my blue eyes. Thank you for bringing me to Church as child. Thank you for instilling good values. Thank you for being You.

Now, I have to say thank you to my Mother-in-Law:

Momet: Thank you for having HB. Thank you for teaching HB to respect women. Thank you for teaching HB to love and to be loved. Thank you for teaching HB family values. Thank you for HB. Thank you for accepting me into your family. Thank you for treating me as one of your own. Thank you for being You.

Now, I have to give Props to my Sister:

Bellion: I know Poozer can’t talk but if she could, this is what she would say, “Mom, thank you for having me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for worrying about me. Thank you for changing my diaper in a timely manner. Thank you for feeding me. Thank you for taking off of work and bringing me to the heart doctor. Thank you for bringing me to see my Grandparents. Thank you for comforting me when I cry. Thank you for smiling at me. Thank you for learning what I need. Thank you for being You.” Bellion, you are great Mom! Keep up the good work! You should be proud of yourself.

Now, for every other Mom in the world:

You are amazing! Thank you for having your child!

Getting Over It

Is it just me or does it take women longer to get over things than it does men? When HB and I have an argument he is able to get over it moments after he pleads his case. I, on the other hand, think about it or stew over it until my head hurts. I end up getting over it, but depending on the argument it can take me as little as an hour or as long as two days! Not HB, he tells me how he feels and then he is done – over it – probably can’t even remember what we arguing about in the first place. I don’t just do this with HB, I do it with other people I know. For example, someone close to us said something very rude to HB about two months ago and I am still annoyed about it. It is one thing to say something rude to me but when you say something rude to someone I love my claws come out! Overreaction much?! And, I am still upset about things that were said to me as a child. But, at the same time, my best friend can say something silly about the neighborhood I live in, or a coworker can act like I am idiot because of a typo I made, and it I let it roll right off my back. Why is this? Why can one rude comment set me off for months but another roll off my back?

What has someone said to set you off?

Reality Check

I recently visited a friend back home. Back home (aka Boomtown) is a smaller town, ahem “city”, where not every neighbor knows your name but they probably know your Grandparents. I never considered Boomtown to be small “city” because it isn’t very dated. The people who live there drive new cars, where fashionable clothes with equally fashionable accessories. They are up to date on all the latest Hollywood gossip and the teenagers have experienced with the current “it” drug. I have never considered this “city” to be small town, until now.

My visit with my friends was wonderful; they are happy, prosperous, and well rounded. I cannot say the same for my other childhood acquaintances. I started when a guy that accompanied me to a high school dance showed up at my friend’s house (they are ½ cousins) and acted as though he had never met me! He proceeded to hit on me and boast about his recent move to a bigger city (the City with which I live!) and the three different jobs he has had over the course of 2 years. Hmmmm, 3 different jobs in 2 years – makes me wonder?!

Later that night, we went to a new local bar that is low key but a lot of fun. We ran into some of my high school classmates. Some of them, I was thrilled to see, but others, Not. So. Much. It was as though they were still in high school - traveling with the same clique, gossiping about the same boring people, and still living off of Mommy and Daddy’s credit card. Instead of being miserable and annoyed with these small TOWN, small minded GIRLS, (let’s face it, they are not Women) I felt relief! I am relieved not to live there anymore. I am relieved that these GIRLS are not my friends anymore. And most of all, I am relieved that I don’t have to run into them every day.

As I was leaving Boomtown, in my luxurious car that HB and I paid for without the help of Mom and Dad, I felt more fulfilled with my life than I have a while. Thank you Boomtown, and you “STMers” for my reality check. Reality is GOOD!

What kind of reality check have you had recently?

My First Bog!!!!

I have a blog! I am a blogger (GASP!) and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little freaked out about it! I owe it all to my philanthropist friend/college classmate who we will call, Kellicious. She approached me a while ago about charity work and after much talk and brainstorming (or blorming!), I now have a blog. As my Dad would say, “It’s all good brother”.

While blorming I noticed that most blogs are about celebrities, new parents or politics. Don’t get me wrong, I am up to date on the latest Celebrity drama, and I have been known to enjoy some political banter; but I began to wonder, where are the blogs about ordinary, everyday women? Where are the blogs about making the transition from high school to college or college to work? I find the new mommy blogs interesting and I am sure one day I will comb through them looking to cure diaper rash; but right now, I can’t relate. Where’s the blog from the young and trendy 23 year old that works in my building? Where is the blog from my adorable 16 year old cousin who lives in private school hell and can’t decide where to go to college? Where is the blog from the newly married 25 year old who wants to be trendy yet classy, who is happy but still can’t get over the rude comment someone made over spring break? Well, if you can’t find it, MAKE IT! So here it is!!!! This is the blog about the ordinary, the chic, the classy, the confused, the curious, the missing college but don’t want to go back, hated high school but sometimes miss it, the newly married, newly financially independent, new to the work force, and trying to figure it out while keeping a smile on my face and hopefully, a frozen sangria in my hand. It will be light, it will be fun, and I can promise, it will be SASSY!

Here are some Fast Facts About me:

- I am a terrible speller! Praise SPELL CHECK!

- I hate bad smells!

- I LOVE cheeseburgers.

- Chocolate always makes me feel better

- I am very loyal to my friends and family.

- At times I wear my heart on my sleeve

- I am a little apprehensive about this blog…

What are some fun facts about you?!