Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, it seems that life isn’t going to slow down any time soon. I will take pictures of my birthday goodies tonight and post a recap of my amazing birthday tomorrow. HB went above and beyond! I can no longer say he doesn’t make a big deal out of birthdays. But today I have something else on my mind. I read this column on glamour.com and I can relate to Jake and Blossom’s dilemma. In fact, HB and I are dealing with the same issues right now.

After Jake confesses to a questionable encounter with a female, his wife, Blossoms, tells him, “I wouldn't want you to keep things from me, but I also don't know that knowing does me, or us, any good. I know what the world is like, what men are like. I guess I want to trust you to tell me when or if there's something I should be worried about.” I tend to agree with her. But, there have been times when HB doesn’t think an encounter is something I should be worried about, I hear about it from someone else, and my imagination runs wild. I wonder why HB didn’t tell me and when it turns out to be innocent then I have to explain to my friends why I was never told. In the end, both HB and I feel bad about the situation. Then there was the time he told me, I got upset, and he ended up feeling bad anyway. I am sure sometimes he feels like he can't win.

I hate the saying “Men will be Men” but they are wired differently. They view sex differently, they view flirting differently, and their lines (as in the line between inappropriate and innocent) are different. There have been times in our relationship when we have debated whether or not one should always be forthcoming. For example, if HB is at a friend’s camp for a “guy’s weekend” and the host invites two girls over so he can have a little rendezvous with them, should HB tell me? HB’s case: I had nothing to do with those girls; I barely even spoke with them. They were there to get freaky with Man-Whore and I didn’t want you to judge him for being a slut. My case: I heard about it from Daddies-Boy’s wife, while I was at work! I was humiliated because I was the only one who didn’t know. Now everyone, including me, is wondering why you didn’t tell me. Do you have something to hide? –We both have valid arguments.

My policy has always been to be honest no matter what. It may hurt to hear the truth but when you find out someone lied to you or withheld something from you the hurt is much greater. And I have learned that the truth always comes out. But sometimes people lie to protect their significant other. Should I tell HB every time someone hits on me, or if a coworker is obviously checking me out or sending me racy jokes? What if HB starts to dislike this coworker and doesn’t want me to work with them anymore? What if something as innocent as me telling HB that I caught a coworker checking out my rack hurts him and gives him anxiety about my work situation? Is it worth being honest?

Again, I tend to think honesty is the policy. If I am honest with HB about said coworker’s inappropriate actions then he and I can be on the same team. If I would keep it to myself, in a strange way, I feel like it puts me and the inappropriate coworker (or whoever it is) on the same team. Does this make sense? Jake’s column has me confused. I feel in my heart that honesty is the best policy but am I just setting myself up for unnecessary anxiety? Do I really need to know about a hot coworker or the sluts at the camp?

How do you handle these situations?

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” Thomas Jefferson